L-O-V-E

What do you think about love? Have you ever fell in love before? Have you even been loved by someone that much?

I am, tbh, the kind of person that cant really just believe in love kinda thing. I raised by parents who doesnt (or cannot) show some affection for their children nor each other. Eventho i know that true love is still exist in this world, but i never see or feel it around me. Little did I know about psychology kinda thing is when a child didnt get a proper affection, they tend to feel lonely and empty inside their souls. They might hide their feelings well, but you cant hide anything for the lifetime right? They also tend to seek attention as they grow up. They will looking for someone that can give them what they need the most, which is affection and caring for them. They really want to get attention from people around them, especially the closest one. As long as people around them care for them, they will surely enjoy every little piece of the moment. If you happen to know these kind of people, please consider these condition to them. I might be one of them, but i surely still can handle all these feelings by myself. LoL, i never told this to anyone before, but now i'm kinda need to share my feelings to you guys too. If you happen to read this post and you know me too, just keep it secret keyh?

High School Life Kind of Things

Decided to checking my blog and realized that i still have a promise to tell you my story when i was in 3rd class of shs. So here it is...

The 3rd year of shs, i was so busy to deal with national exam, uprak, and a bunch of tests. On this last year of shs, i was expecting nothing special will happen to my life. But God had another plan for me. This year was fun, exiting, the most hilarious year i had to enjoy. I am beyond grateful and blessed that i got the chance to enjoy my time with wonderful people around me. There is two things that i want to highlight in this story, friendship and love life.

First things first, i wanna talk about friendship. To be honest, i never believe that i would ever have those kind of best friend forever in real life, esp mine! I never found those people yang mau bertukar pikiran, talking about deep thoughts, cerita tentang banyak hal mulai dari A sampai Z, yang nggak cuma banyak cerita pas ketemuan aja tapi juga pas lagi jauh satu sama lain, yang sharing feelings bareng, yang mau ngebelain banget ketika temennya lagi ada masalah. I never find one until now tho. Maybe it was because i rarely had drama on my life? Aku belum pernah menemukan seseorang yang bisa aku sebut sebagai sahabat dengan level setinggi itu. Setiap kali aku ditanya tentang sahabat, i will always think over and over again, apakah dia pantas aku anggap sebagai sahabatku atau mungkin dia hanya sebatas teman dekatku yang ku kenal dalam waktu yang cukup lama aja? Well, i was gonna talking about my past tho, so lets go back to the topic!

Friendship. Di tahun-tahun ini aku punya lebih banyak kenalan dibandingkan dengan sebelumnya. Berhubung kelas 11 dan 12 tidak diacak, alhasil aku semakin mengenal teman-teman sekelasku. Dan di tahun ini juga, aku menjadi semakin jahil di kelas, terutama ke anak lelaki di kelas. Krish misalnya, Farid juga. Sisanya aku lupa. Aku menjadi semakin akrab dengan orang-orang yang tidak pernah ku duga sebelumnya dapat bergaul denganku. Cuz from my pov, they had a higher class than mine. I am beyond grateful that i could get to know these people. They are beyond nice, cheesy, crazy (ahaha) dan terkadang sangat membuatku minder. These always have been on my mind most of all the time, "how can i deal with this people? will they accept me as i am who has tons of flaws?"
And for the first time of my life, i found a friend who has the same hobby with me, which is watching the stars in the night skies and talking to them!! I know I'm a weirdo right. I love stars, moon, galaxy, astronaut, & those kind of things. Wait, what??? Lets go back to the topic (again)! I never have a friend yang kayak di film-film itu lho, yang selalu ada buat temannya dikala temannya butuh, yang care dan perhatian sama temennya, yang selalu jadi tempat curhat buat temennya. Aku nggak pernah punya seseorang yang bener-bener bisa aku jadikan sebagai tempat curhat untuk segala permasalahanku. I rarely talk to my friend about my thing, my problem, my dilemas. I mostly kept it myself because i know nobody ever care about my story, even the one who i get close to maybe never imagined how lonely i am, how fragile i am, and how desperate i am. Wow i'm tearing right now. But yeah, i am still grateful to know them all. They all already have their own places in my heart.

Love life? I might going to tell you one thing only. I found the one who I adore the most, on shs life ofc. He was my classmate. I never imagined that I could fall for him. He has a pure kind heart that can make everyone fall for it (i you are a woman). His heart is super soft that everytime should take a very care of it cause i dont want him to get hurt. Behind all of his flaws, he is really a great person. I always hope that he will always be happy and cherish every moment and have a great day each day. I may have hurt him many times, and im so sorry. I do realize that my ego is still high and sometimes i just cant lower my ego(??). May he has a really good life ahead.

If you happen to read this post and you happen to be mentioned in this post, i am so sorry to mention you guys. But tbh i'm glad to meet and know you guys. Hope you guys have a great day ahead. Love from me. And yes, i miss you guys.